Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
