I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
