before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
