you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
