naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
