the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im six kinds of drunk right now
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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