i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
