He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
