So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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