she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize