Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
