she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
