Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
