Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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