im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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