Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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