Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
