If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
