i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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