Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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