Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
