She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
