You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
