I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
