How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
