Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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