guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I will pee on everything he values.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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