I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
