Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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