the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
