Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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