its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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