I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
