I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
