My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
