the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize