I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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