He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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