Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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