I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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