I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
