Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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