so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
