just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
