My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
