he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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