You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
