conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize