I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
