We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize