Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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