hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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