sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
