wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
