they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Randomize
