Girls should come with a carfax report
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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