you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
