Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
