he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
