I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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