why didn't you poke me back
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
