my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
