I wish I could teleport
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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