Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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