there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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