we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The uberlube is also flammable
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
