I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
