It's like God shit irony all over that family
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
