Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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