Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
