Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So squirting runs in the family.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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