i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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