This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
