Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
