u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
