If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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