The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
