the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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