I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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