Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
