Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
