That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
