Dude my mom stole all your condoms
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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