I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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