when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
