Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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