You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
