Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
